Grief

It's Mom's Bday today and the citizen made a party for our city soccer club, It was full of joy and happiness day. Then suddenly at 07:52 pm my mom's phone rang. A voice in the other side said something with uneasy voice. My mom repeated her saying “Mom passed away??”.
My grandma just gone.

My feeling right now is really mixed.
Joy - Happy - Curious - Worry - Sad - Condolence - Affected - Disaponted

For more than 5 years, I never knew what happened in my other family side. For more than 5 years I lived like I only have one side family. For more than 5 years there is a big gap between us. Everybody tried to fix it but one. He has closed his heart. He doesnt want to know what happened anymore. He cut the line.

And today in grandma's grief, everybody gathered around. Smiled to each other giving support. But one, he refused to come.

5 days ago Mom been told that Grandma didn't want to eat anymore. They had had brought her to the hospital. Mom and I went to the hospital right after we got the call. We saw Grandma laying with the I.V. on her wrist . “It's Vitamin” Mom said. That day she still recognized me, when I said my name she said “My Gra ndaughter is so grown up”. She dropped a tear, I wiped it cried. For all this years never been in touch, She was so old and weak. I remember that day she still insisted to take a bath even tough she couldn't even get up from bed. Aunty said Grandma didn't sleep for 3 days. She was struglling with her Lymphoma.

In the 3rd day Mom, Dad and I visited Grandma in the hospital. For more than 5 years never met, that day they met. A son and his mother. But that day, Grandma didn't able to talk anymore, She just moved her arms and mumbling. Made significant moves when Dad called her. Aunty said the day before when Grandma still able to talked, Grandma said that Grandpa (He passed away long time ago) called her to come but then He asked her to get back again because the house was not ready yet. Aunty said Grandma kept asking about the car to carry her, it has to be big because everybody wants to come in. Grandma kept asking to come “home”. To the place where she believed that her husband is for waiting her.
I got goosebumps when Aunty told that.

And today in her 5th day at the hospital, her condition was really bad. She couldn't move anymore, there was a lot of helping kit and wires on her body. Everyone on the room was giving attention to the monitor that showed her heart beat and breath. This afternoon when the convoi of motorcycles and cars were passed by outside the hospital, marching to the city center for the citizen party. All of my family gathered, spoke and prayed together . After everybody spoke to Grandma, asking apologies, giving apologies, told her that everything is done, that She can go now. Some minutes after her younger sister spoke to her. Grandma left.

About 15 years ago I still celebrate chrismast, chinese new year and Eid. There was christmast tree for christmast, Aangpao for chinese new year and “Ketupat” for Eid at Grandma house. I was grew up in such a multi-cultural families.

She was 80 years old when she passed away. My Grandma from my chinese family side. The one that showed respect to my belief. The one which I remember always watching her grandchildren played. Now She is gone forever. I hope my pray will always be with her.

Goodbye Grandma. Thank you very much..
With love
Me

100 Truth

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Seblak Basah (if you know what it is ;p)

2. Last phone call: it's yesterday from a recruitment firm

3. Last text message: Mom

4. Last song you listened to: Chandelier  by Sia

5. Last time you cried: about a month ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone: Yesh~

7. Been cheated on: more or less

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never regret

9. Lost someone special: Well everyone is special. So I guess I did

10. Been depressed: Yeah, I ever did :p

11. Been drunk and threw up: Nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12: I like pink unconciously

13: Yellow of Lemon

14: White

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: Yeah, some.

16. Fallen out of love: Yes, I love Love.

17. Laughed until you cried: Hmmm.. Maybe yes.

18. Met someone who changed you: Yes. Feel grateful for that.

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yesh!

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Uh huh

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: like 65% of them

23. How many kids do you want: Three. 1 boy and 2 girls. or 1 girl and 2 boys.

24. Do you have any pets: a cat yesh~

25. Do you want to change your name: just change it a lil bit or cut my first name off.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: I went to a 24hours mart with my ex. Talked until morning and then went to work.

27. What time did you wake up today: 5:34 am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleephing zzZZzzZ...

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: my new job and my husband (lol)

30. Last time you saw your Mother: 5 hours ago when i drove her to hospital

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I have ambitions in life (ambitionless-home-girl is da hoz ;p)

32. What are you listening to right now: computer machine

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope

34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: no one. I am as peace as my computer machine sounds

35. Most visited webpage: facebook because I play games 

36. Whats your real name: Nur Asfari Dewi

37. Nicknames: Dewi, Uwi, Nur

38. Relationship Status: in an open relationship

39. Zodiac sign: Sagitarius

40. Male or female: Female

41. Primary School: SDN Sukarasa 3,4,5

42. Secondary School: SMPN 12 Bandung

43. High school/college: SMUN 9 Bandung/POLBAN

44. Hair color: now it's ash brown

45. Long or short: shoulder long

46. Height: 164 cm 

47. Do you have a crush on someone: maybe

48. What do you like about yourself: I am optimist and I talk to animals and plants. Mohohohoho

49. Piercings: I think the piercings on my ears are gone now. Since I never wear any earings for years

50. Tattoos: no, altough sometimes I want to have one. Just the temporary one.

51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: In Secondary School, it was my leg.

53. First piercing: when I was a baby.

54. First best friend: Prilla and Lucy

55. First sport you joined: Swimming

56. First vacation: I think it's the zoo in my city

58. First pair of trainers: I dont get it

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Seblak Basah (if you know it ;p)

60. Drinking: water with lime

61. I'm about to: feed my cat

62. Listening to: my computer machine

63. What time is it: 5:21 pm

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids: Sure, I told ya

65. Get married: as soon as possible (i hope)

66. Career: A good housewife (see? how ambitiousless I am).

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes

68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

69. Shorter or taller: Taller

70. Older or Younger: Older 

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice stomach

73. Sensitive or loud: Loud

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Nah

77. Drank hard liquor: Yes I guess, well it's hard for meeeh

78. Lost glasses/contacts: contacts yes, I missplaced it

79. Sex on first date: R u kidding me? *smirk*

80. Broken someone's heart: Maybe, but I hope it's not really bad

82. Been arrested: nah

83. Turned someone down: yes

84. Cried when someone died: yes

85. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: sometimes ;p

87. Miracles: yes

88. Love at first sight: yesss

89. Heaven: yes

90. Santa Claus: I just like the idea

91. Kiss on the first date: yes

92. Angels: well I am an angel ;p

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no

95. Did you sing today: yes

96. Ever cheated on somebody: nope

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: 4 January 2011

98. The moment you would choose to relive: high school and college life

99. Are you afraid of falling in love: of course not

100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: Nah~