Grief

It's Mom's Bday today and the citizen made a party for our city soccer club, It was full of joy and happiness day. Then suddenly at 07:52 pm my mom's phone rang. A voice in the other side said something with uneasy voice. My mom repeated her saying “Mom passed away??”.
My grandma just gone.

My feeling right now is really mixed.
Joy - Happy - Curious - Worry - Sad - Condolence - Affected - Disaponted

For more than 5 years, I never knew what happened in my other family side. For more than 5 years I lived like I only have one side family. For more than 5 years there is a big gap between us. Everybody tried to fix it but one. He has closed his heart. He doesnt want to know what happened anymore. He cut the line.

And today in grandma's grief, everybody gathered around. Smiled to each other giving support. But one, he refused to come.

5 days ago Mom been told that Grandma didn't want to eat anymore. They had had brought her to the hospital. Mom and I went to the hospital right after we got the call. We saw Grandma laying with the I.V. on her wrist . “It's Vitamin” Mom said. That day she still recognized me, when I said my name she said “My Gra ndaughter is so grown up”. She dropped a tear, I wiped it cried. For all this years never been in touch, She was so old and weak. I remember that day she still insisted to take a bath even tough she couldn't even get up from bed. Aunty said Grandma didn't sleep for 3 days. She was struglling with her Lymphoma.

In the 3rd day Mom, Dad and I visited Grandma in the hospital. For more than 5 years never met, that day they met. A son and his mother. But that day, Grandma didn't able to talk anymore, She just moved her arms and mumbling. Made significant moves when Dad called her. Aunty said the day before when Grandma still able to talked, Grandma said that Grandpa (He passed away long time ago) called her to come but then He asked her to get back again because the house was not ready yet. Aunty said Grandma kept asking about the car to carry her, it has to be big because everybody wants to come in. Grandma kept asking to come “home”. To the place where she believed that her husband is for waiting her.
I got goosebumps when Aunty told that.

And today in her 5th day at the hospital, her condition was really bad. She couldn't move anymore, there was a lot of helping kit and wires on her body. Everyone on the room was giving attention to the monitor that showed her heart beat and breath. This afternoon when the convoi of motorcycles and cars were passed by outside the hospital, marching to the city center for the citizen party. All of my family gathered, spoke and prayed together . After everybody spoke to Grandma, asking apologies, giving apologies, told her that everything is done, that She can go now. Some minutes after her younger sister spoke to her. Grandma left.

About 15 years ago I still celebrate chrismast, chinese new year and Eid. There was christmast tree for christmast, Aangpao for chinese new year and “Ketupat” for Eid at Grandma house. I was grew up in such a multi-cultural families.

She was 80 years old when she passed away. My Grandma from my chinese family side. The one that showed respect to my belief. The one which I remember always watching her grandchildren played. Now She is gone forever. I hope my pray will always be with her.

Goodbye Grandma. Thank you very much..
With love
Me